Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(812): View more from Indiana

So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.

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(+49): View more from Germany

Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(240): View more from Maryland

All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.

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(209): View more from California

She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.

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(415): View more from California

There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed

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(443): View more from Maryland

so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.

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