Define "chronic" masturbator.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
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Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.