she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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