Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life