D3 body, D1 cock
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun