3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.