In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
