Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
