Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
