she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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