Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
