I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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