i was born a porn star she said
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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