there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
