in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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