This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
