MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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