I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
