I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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