This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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