nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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