i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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