Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
