why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
