I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
