The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize