How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize