bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
