I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
