I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
