that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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