Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
