are you still at the devil's house?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
