if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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