I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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