If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
