Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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