Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
