i need an iv and a liver transplant
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
