theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
