So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
