it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
