Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
