i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
