If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
