I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
