The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
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We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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