I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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