I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
