If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
