You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
