cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
