I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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