you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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