im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
if only i could text you this smell
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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