So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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