what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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