there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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