Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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