The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
