____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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