You're my little dorito
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
