There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me