i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis