True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet