i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My balls are so social today.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
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I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...