the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.