I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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