just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She's just so happy...and so naked.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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