So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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