the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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