Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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