Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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