you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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