the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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