We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
