Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
