How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When did we convert life to cartoon?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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