Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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