it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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