You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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